Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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