and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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