It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
