Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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