Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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