It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
