Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
