let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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