So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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