I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
