Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Two words: nipple clamps
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