...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
