She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
