last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
