everyone is single if you try hard enough
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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