i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.