i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green