I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't think brook has ever known best
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
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i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA