Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The convent might be a nice break from real life