Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
