i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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