So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
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Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows