There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
