I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
