I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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