I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
