if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if i died would you start the facebook group?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
