Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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