just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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