My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
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Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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