I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
