I want to stick my p in your. b.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
