that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
