the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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