wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
