I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
