remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
tell me about the eggs
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