Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
