OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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