the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
