I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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