She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
