Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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