You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
