So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
