you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Come on in and take your pants off
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