I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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