Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Michael Bay diarrhea
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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