That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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