my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
