why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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