So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
