Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
