I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
