hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
