My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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