When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Who died my cat blue again?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
