i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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