she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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