people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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