sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
