I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
