walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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