She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
