I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
